Oct04

Chuck Norris Geek facts

by wingman on October 4th, 2009 at 16:21
Posted In: Humor
  • Chuck Norris code has no error handling. Chuck Norris code has no errors.
  • An infinite loop in a Chuck Norris program takes 2,1 seconds to finish.
  • If a Chuck Norris program requires more memory it simply kills all other processes with a roundhouse kick.
  • In UNIX you have SIGQUIT, SIGKILL and SIGCHUCKNORRIS.
  • A Chuck Norris program can write on a DVD-R.
  • The C in “C language” means Chuck.
  • The N in NUnit means Norris.
  • Chuck Norris uses windows 64 bit on 32 bit machine.
  • It was Chuck Norris that bit the apple in the Apple logo.
  • Chuck Norris debugs binary code using a pencil and a sheet of paper.
  • In Chuck Norris world there are no deadlocks. Only dead people.
  • Chuck Norris can send a roundhouse kick by email.
  • The only thing worse than a BSOD is a CNSOD, a Chuck Norris Screen of Death.
  • Chuck Norris has no need for a compress utility. He just stares at the files and they shrink in fear.
  • Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked General Failure when he tried to read his drive. No one reads Chuck Norris drives.
  • All C++ classes derive from CChuckNorris.
  • In Chuck Norris Windows, the Start button is named Finish. Because Chuck Norris doesn’t start things, he finishes them.
  • Chuck Norris has direct memory access with his roundhouse kick.
  • Chuck Norris browser doesn’t store cookies. It only stores raw meat.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t need a backup to recover lost files. He forces the universe to go back in time.
  • The Help feature on Chuck Norris’ PC is a roundhouse kick in your face.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t use Open Source, just Open Guts.
  • Chuck Norris’ Keyboard does not have any F1 key, he never needs any help.
  • If you execute select * from chucknorris in a SGBD you’ll get a roundhouse kick in the face.
  • Chuck Norris translated into SGBD language is: Alter system kill.
  • Chuck Norris ordered that all ESC keys are removed from keyboards; there is no Escape from Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t do Acceptance Phase; his projects are by definition already accepted.
  • Chuck Norris does not have memory leaks. Memory leaks are from the brains he opens.
  • Chuck Norris is never shown a login window. The computers sense his awesomeness and automatically log him in with administrator privileges.
  • The SQL condition “LIKE ‘%Chuck Norris%’” can only return Chuck Norris himself. Because nothing is like Chuck Norris.
  • Writing the code “chuck_norris = null” gets you an automatic roundhouse kick in the face.
  • Chuck Norris can perform CISC operations on RISC.
  • Select ‘Chuck Norris’ from dual returns a roundhouse kick in the face.
  • Some say that Chuck Norris uses multithreading to throw several roundhouse kicks at the same time at different people. Actually this is a lie. Chuck Norris can do that even without multithreading.
  • When Chuck Norris throws exceptions, it’s across the room.
  • All arrays Chuck Norris declares are of infinite size, because Chuck Norris knows no bounds.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t have disk latency because the hard drive knows to hurry the hell up.
  • Chuck Norris writes code that optimizes itself.
  • Chuck Norris can’t test for equality because he has no equal.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t need garbage collection because he doesn’t call .Dispose(), he calls .DropKick().
  • Chuck Norris’s first program was kill -9.
  • Chuck Norris burst the dot com bubble.
  • medications without a prescription All browsers support the hex definitions #chuck and #norris for the colors black and blue.
  • MySpace actually isn’t your space, it’s Chuck’s (he just lets you use it).
  • Chuck Norris can write infinite recursion functions…and have them return.
  • Chuck Norris can solve the Towers of Hanoi in one move.
  • The only pattern Chuck Norris knows is God Object.
  • Chuck Norris finished World of Warcraft.
  • Project managers never ask Chuck Norris for estimations…ever.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t use web standards as the web will conform to him.
  • “It works on my machine” always holds true for Chuck Norris.
  • Whiteboards are white because Chuck Norris scared them that way.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t do Burn Down charts, he does Smack Down charts.
  • Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
  • Chuck Norris’s beard can type 140 wpm.
  • Chuck Norris can unit test entire applications with a single assert.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t bug hunt as that signifies a probability of failure, he goes bug killing.
  • Chuck Norris’s keyboard doesn’t have a Ctrl key because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
  • When Chuck Norris is web surfing websites get the message “Warning: Internet Explorer has deemed this user to be malicious or dangerous. Proceed?”.